Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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