Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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