lets start a swedish sibling band together
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
