All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
