The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
