if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
