i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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