and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
