I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
