I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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