Can i not drive my cunt home
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
