Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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