Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
