Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
