State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
