Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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