I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
