Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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