So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
