The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
