Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
