I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
