you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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