Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
