He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
