I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
