Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
