I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
