I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
