i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
