yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
