i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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