do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
