I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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