It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
