If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
