i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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