Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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