Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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