I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
