He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Holy sore nipples Batman
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
