You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
