i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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