We won't sleep together?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
