did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
