Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
