New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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