That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
