Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
