foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
