the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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