I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
