cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
