john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
