paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
