Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
